That routine lasted for a few years, until my fifteenth birthday when I happened to be caught reading a Men?s Physique magazine in the air force base BX by my father, who beamed at the idea that his son wanted to learn more about fitness. I blushed and hurriedly stashed the magazine behind a copy of Mademoiselle, hoping to hide my guilty perusals of nude male form and prevent him from finding me out.

That night, while opening birthday presents, I was greeted with a glistening, bikinied Phil Baroni who happened to grace the cover of that month?s Men?s Physique, and I was in love. My dad had gone back to the BX and purchased the magazine. He had no idea how happy this made me but was visibly proud that his son was interested in health and fitness.

Somehow, I managed to glean a bit of exercise erudition over the course of wearing down the pages month after month, and started to alter my exercise routines to incorporate more weight training and muscle building. I didn?t have any weights at the time. Instead, I scavenged what objects in the house that could serve as weight-lifting-type devices and altered the routines to accommodate these new tools.

I did upright rows with my stereo, triceps extensions with dictionaries, seated rows with bungee cords. I even grabbed a pair of my dad?s hammer pants and jogged around the block every morning, which forced me to get up before sunrise so that no one would actually see me in them. I can?t say for sure whether all of this effort paid off, but it certainly motivated me to join a gym when I had the chance.

Now, I find myself lifting and running daily out of habit more than anything else. There is no doubt in my mind that the effects of exercise are nothing short of a panacea for all of life?s problems. Depression? Kiss it goodbye. Family problems? You?re a happier person now, much easier to get along with. Sucky immune system? Watch your health improve dramatically. Increase your energy. Feel better about yourself.

I don?t mean to sound like a late-nite infomercial, but the effects of exercise are really that amazing. Plus, you can say "Pass the mascara, girlie man!" and actually have something to back it up.

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