Not really the best of things to have said, but it wasn't exactly a lie. I'm not sure if I could have put it any better. Maybe I was trying to say I wasn't attracted to him anymore, although there is certainly a side of me that continues to try and convice myself that I am. Maybe I am, too. This banter draws me to one conclusion: I simply don't know.

And that's what I told him; I don't know what to do about it. I feel sad about telling him. I called him tonight and told him that we shouldn't see each other for a while, which he seemed to take fairly well at first, but it became quickly obvious that his level-headedness was on a downhill slide as his voice turned shaky and unstable and he fumbled for words.

All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything would be okay.

Derek's here at the moment and I'm thankful for his presence, though not necessarily thankful for the reason he's still here. His new car, a 1995 Acura Integra, is not running like it should. In fact, it is not drivable at all, as the clutch seems to have disappeared, turning gear-shifting into an impossible task.

We sit alone in the quiet apartment, one nursing a broken heart, the other, a broken car and dream of better days. «

Older Entries