Tony ? not "Sty" as his nametag read ? was enough to cause me a headache by himself without the screaming children in the store. He was so attractive, it hurt. I watched him come closer out of the corner of my eye, and when he approached and asked to help, I let him help me try on a few shoes. I was very professional with him, never giving him a reason to think I might be interested. I squeezed every last drop of conversation surrounding the shoes I was trying on, and thanked him for helping me. He smiled and I felt a stabbing pain in my chest.

I don't think I've ever been around anyone who I found attractive enough to cause me physical pain. This is pretty intense stuff (thus my recording it). He was so beautiful, it scared me. The things I would do. I stopped myself as background processes in my mind conjured preposterous, insidious plans and constructed deleterious thoughts. I felt sick to my stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to put myself somewhere else.

I have never felt this before. How could a simple glimpse or a few minutes interaction, cause me so much mental turmoil? I felt my face flush and my ears burn. Everything in the store faded out. Time seemed to slow to a molasses pace like a bad movie effect. I breathed in and it took everything I had to focus on the task at hand. I wonder if I'll ever feel this way about someone who feels the same way about me.

Actually, that scares me even more.

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