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Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs
My mother is standing in front of the bathroom mirror smelling polished and ready; like Jean Nate, Dippity Do and the waxy sweetness of lipstick.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck
The Salinas Valley is in Northern California.

The Straw Men by Michael Marshall
Palmerston is not a big town, nor one that can convincingly be said to be at the top of its game.

Vineland by Thomas Pynchon
Later than usual one summer morning in 1984, Zoyd Wheeler drifted awake in sunlight through a creeping fig that hung in the window, with a squadron of blue jays stomping around on the roof.

Collected Fictions by Jorge Luis Borges
In 1517, Fray Bartolomé de las Casas, feeling great pity for the Indians who grew worn and lean in the drudging infernos of the Antillean gold mines, proposed to Emperor Charles V that Negroes be brought to the isles of the Caribbean, so that they might grow worn and lean in the drudging infernos of the Antillean gold mines.

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posted Thursday, February 7, 2002

I Swear I Don't Fake-n-Bake

In the bathrooms where I work, there is a bottle of lotion by the sinks so that computer programmers can moisturize their hands after sanitization from a long day's typing. I always take a squirt of it before leaving. I normally don't pay much more attention to it, but today I noticed that the lotion smells an awful lot like suntan lotion. About face, I returned to the restroom and sure enough, the bottle of lotion is actually a bottle of Vaseline UV Protection, SPF 15.

At first, I thought that maybe someone was playing a joke, but later today in the gym, I noticed a bottle of the same stuff in the locker rooms. If you saw the pasty white faces of the people that work alongside me, you'd find this discovery strangely unnerving. I'm wondering if the building managers know something about these flourescant lights we work under that they're just not telling us. Or maybe it's the electromagnetic radiation from our monitors.

And to think, I've been telling everyone this tan is natural.

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Chris Paul

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