There is the practical side of me that says I should go for it because it's an easy ride and will be a ticket for more opportunities in the future. There's also the gluttonous side of me that feels I should do it just because it's there and learning anything is better than not going to school at all. These are both very tempting thoughts.

At the same time, the anchor of doubt that is holding me down says that I shouldn't waste my time (or my company's money) on something I could care less about ? in this case, a masters degree in business administration. I should be working towards completing my dream of moving to California, saving up for art school, getting out of computers. Why hold myself down for another three years when I've already held myself here the past three to complete my bachelor's degree? Does it ever end?

Granted, I may be blowing this out of proportion. After all, it doesn't hurt to work towards the degree while I'm saving money and working. And I like the idea of learning something even if it isn't what I've been dreaming of learning or doing. And I can take art classes and work towards an MBA at the same time.

I believe the root of my frustration is my growing comfort level here in my hometown. I never wanted to be here for any extended period of time, but when I stop and look around, I realize I've stayed here well past my original deadline. The plan was to complete college, move to Cali with a good degree, work and go to art school. It's turning out to be a lot harder and more complicated than that with so many other choices being offered to me now.

If only life were as simple as I used to make it out to be. Then again, perhaps it was that simple, but now that simplicity has eluded me as I've slipped into the sea of adulthood and work and goals and deadlines. There is (and has been in the past) this great move towards simplicity, where people try to simplify their lives with less of everything. That appeals to me, but at the same time, the robustness of life with a multitude of choices appeals just as much, for the perfectionist in me wants all the options to make the best of all possible decisions.

Letting go of that grip on life scares me. I believe, however, that I really can achieve some simplicity if I just let life unfold before me, rather than dictate every direction. This decision about grad school ? although not monumental on grand scales ? is difficult now, but maybe if I relax and wait, answers will come to me. This could be the greatest procrastination excuse I've ever come up with. Then again, sometimes I work best under stress, and as the deadlines near, this monster will rear its head again and again.

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