At 16, however, the motivation disappeared. I left the world of geekdom ? of computers, RPGs, and programming ? for hobbies more suited to the socially complex world of high school. Now, here I am, ten years later doing the same thing I started out doing. I sit in front of a computer and write computer programs day in and day out.

I remember how zealously I absorbed every bit of information I could get on computer programming. I couldn't learn enough. Now, I am full-up, and wish that I could go back in time with my current knowledge. Maybe I could actually finish those computer games that were started, but never finished due to a lack of understanding. I suppose that could be said for many things in life.

I'd want to take that idea and put it to use now that I have the know-how. I just don't have the motivation or desire I did back then. I guess that's what I really miss ? the intrigue of the unknown, the curiosity that came so naturally with youth, the exhilaration of a new discovery. We become so numb to these things with time. If only I could find some way to recapture that without artificially creating it.

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