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Blustery Change
The past week has gone by in such a whir of activity. Spending time with Jeff, camping, gym time, work, and getting life in order has proven to be more strenuous than school, since nothing is run by a set schedule. Gotta do this on my own. The house search is not going as well as I had planned, and I'm getting more frustrated by the week. The winds are picking up and the urge for change is blowing in with it. Something drastic is about to happen.
I sensed doubt or preoccupation in Jeff's voice tonight. I'm not really sure how to take it, but am going to let it slide. The weekend camping trip, the dinners, and the sex have been really great. On top of that, we get along really well, and seem to be able to communicate effectively. Despite all of this, I need to take a step back and evaluate this from an objective point of view. We have something going, but ultimately, we have nothing yet.
I hate the expectation that develops in any new relationship I begin -- expected success, perfection, and fulfillment of hopes. It's too much to place on someone. I've managed to delay the onset of these expectations, but they are developing in the back of my mind, one by one, silently. I only hope the distance doesn't cause us to lose sight of who the other really is or what we have learned about one another. I know that is a common problem with long distance relationships.
Perhaps I should back off for a while. The winds of change are blustery, indeed, and I've found the best way to weather them is to go with the flow, so to speak.
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