Generation Gapping
     Dad and I watched The Broken Hearts Club last night. Not the best gay film out there, but it is a "safe" gay film for parents. I wonder what he thought of it. I kept imagining he would get uncomfortable during the male-male makeout sessions (tame by any comparisson to many other popular, gay films), or confused at the barrage of gay lingo ("butch", "top", "mo"). Surprisingly enough, he seemed both comfortable and entertained throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what he thought.
     "It was good," he said, thoughtfully. "I thought the whole friendship aspect was good. They really brought out the point about love between friends and the importance of friendship. I didn't like the fact that the whole movie was centered around romance, though. It seemed that's all they were concerned with." The word "romance" is my dad's way of referring to sex. I agreed with him.
     "True, but you have to understand that it's a very real part of gay life." He cocked his eyebrows, questioningly. "I mean, truthfully, that is all gay guys think of. We may be gay, but we're still guys." We picked up dishes as we talked, and headed into the kitchen.
     "I liked the main character, what was his name?"
     "Dennis."
     "Yeah, Dennis. He found that there's more to life than just... just..."
     "Casual sex?"
     "Yes."
     "Drugs?"
     "Uh huh."
     "Partying?"
     "Right."
     "I totally agree with you," I said, rinsing dishes in the sink. "It's funny I didn't realize that the first time I watched this movie. It's such a wakeup call to so many clueless fags out there who center their lives around simply being gay, partying, drugs, and sex." And it was true. It was a wakeup call I had had a few years ago, riding the city bus to school one evening.
     After moving to Denver to live on my own, I had realized that I needed to get my shit together and focus on something that was going to get me somewhere, make me someone. There are other things in life than simply being gay.
     I visit Denver every now and then to see my friends, and since moving away, I sense a gap growing between us. I don't identify with them as much as I used to, although I still have fun and consider them good friends. But I feel more full of life than before. I feel more -- I hate to say it -- well-rounded. I may not be one of the top nellies on the gay social ladder, but I no longer feel the need to climb it, either.

Replies: 2 comments

Finding peace and your own place in the world is more important than fitting into a mould set out by some sophomorish social ladder. Who needs it? We need to define ourselves as people, not as rungs in a ladder......

And yeah, maybe I never got to the first rung, but who wants to be there anyway...
with all those beautiful popular boys? ...
and all the fun they look like they're having...
I don't...
no sir...

(Why do I always feel like the loser-geek on an after-school special?)

Posted by steVe @ 04/18/2001 07:03 PM MST

Amen, sister. I've never been one for social climbing. It's a bit too much work, IMHO. And I've always walked this odd clumsy tightrope between the bent/straight worlds (live in the world but not of it).

Sometimes I think the gay community sees me as too straight and the straight world sees me as too gay (or they make the assumption without getting to know me). And because I don't make the effort to fit in to either mould, I place myself into a self-imposed exile. Which is great because only the people who'll take the time remain friends and acquaintances. It's a good weeding out process. Because honey, I ain't got the time. I'm too busy building good lasting relationships.

Just one man's opinion.

Posted by John @ 04/18/2001 08:57 PM MST

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