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Seredipitous Sanctity
There are three of me. Not in the evil-twin sense, but rather a trinity: three seperate entities, one individual. I am the Spectator-Narrator who observes all, occasionally from a biased standpoint, but rarely intervenes when the other two start to quarrel -- and believe me, they quarrel more often than not. They are the Greater and the Lesser. Not "more" or "less" in terms of importance or size or power, but of mindset, goals and orientation. They are a yin and a yang of opposing, but similar, energies.
Today, the Greater and Lesser sides had a dispute over who should take control of the day's schedule. It began as any dispute -- over minor, daily routine -- but quickly escalated into an all-out brawl. The fight had an unusual outcome, however. You see, normally, I can tell who has the better grip on the steering wheel and sometimes, but not often, the Greater gives into the Lesser for various reasons, and vice versa.
The remarkable part was, however, that while yin and yang were arguing, someone else took over the controls. It was as if an invisible fourth party had entered the bridge and simply took command without the Greater or Lesser knowing. It was pretty slick, I have to admit. I sat there, slackjawed and staring, while the day's chores seemed to auto-pilot.
Lesser finally noticed and complained in an annoyingly high-pitched, but excitable voice: "If I don't go shopping, this freakin' Gap gift certificate is going to burn a godamn hole in my pocket!" Greater sat with his arms crossed, and ignored Lesser. After all, the auto-pilot was doing pretty much what Greater wanted, so he decided not to complain.
As the day wore on, I began to realize that this fourth party wasn't a persona at all, but rather an absence of persona. It was an ingrained, reflex response to various, daily stimuli that created an auto-pilot of responsibility. It couldn't be swayed by the arguments of Greater or Lesser, and it would maintain control of the helm as long as there was something to be done.
The strange part was that the productivity which resulted brought me a great amount of satisfaction and happiness. Even the Greater and Lesser couldn't complain, once the day was over. I wondered, how much happier would we be if we delighted in the simplest, most mundane activities and chores? A quote I once read, turned over and over in my mind.
"The simplest and most effective way to sanctity is to disappear into the background of ordinary, everyday routine."
--Thomas Merton
Quietly, suddenly, it came to me. I had realized that, without even trying, I had found a secret to an inner peace I never knew existed. The quarreling had diminished, and the arguing, conflicting drama within my head had subsided. A knowing smile slowly spread across my face.
And when I turned around, they were smiling, too. With our newfound peace, we settled in for the night and I was content -- all of me.
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