Chrisonomicon

Thursday, May 3, 2001

I had to follow the truck. After all, it was emblazoned with my name, "Chris," in big, block letters. I sped onto and along the highway, ten cars behind, and managed to keep it in sight. It was fairly easy. The truck was white and very large. I had been considering taking the backroads home from work, but as I looked to the highway, I spotted the truck and decided against it.

I've always been one to follow signs, or at least what I've thought to be signs. They're coincidences that are just a little out of the ordinary ? but then again, I suppose that's the definition of coincidence. I, on the other hand, have made signs out of everyday events, coin tosses, phone calls, television shows, words on trucks. Taking these events, I would twist them around to make them fit a given scenario.

While driving, my mind began to wander. Somehow, I followed a line of thought that led me to ponder abortion activists that sometimes line our street corners with signs. Why were they so adamant? Was removing a fetus from a woman really murdering another human, or was it simply eliminating a dependence that would ultimately give opportunity to life? Why did they always have to bring god into the picture? Who are they to claim they know what god wants?

As a biology student for several years of my life, I've come to look at life and death as more of a continuum, rather than a discrete "alive-or-dead" situation. It also is the basis of my disbelief in the Christian god, and many other religions. I began to debate with myself, as I drove along. Since I had never been confronted on my beliefs, I had never considered how I would support my arguments or beliefs. Methodically, I began to think it out. At several points during my drive, I even reached over with a pencil to jot ideas down.

The whole concept of worshipping a deity is ludicrous to me. Because my father is a devout Christian, I began my imaginary debate with the topic of Christianity and the belief in the prophet, Jesus, as the "Son of God." First, I asked myself why this belief exists. The first answer would be to teach people to love one another unconditionally, which is Jesus' main message as the Bible explains. As I feel this lesson can be learned with common sense ("I wouldn't want this to happen to me, therefore, I won't do it to someone else") and without all the allegorical claptrap the Bible entails ? not to discount the many fascinating fables and other valuable lessons therein ? I disregarded this answer.

A second answer to the belief, is to ensure one's place in the kingdom of heaven for all eternity. This is because we are all "sinners" and in order to be absolved of these sins, we must believe that Jesus died for them. It also represents Gods proof to humans that he has power over death. Most religions agree on the fact that God can raise one into paradise to live for eternity after death, however many differ on what happens otherwise.

The belief of an existence in heaven necessarily creates the belief of a hell, or anti-heaven. Again, as I was driving along one day, it suddenly occurred to me that the idea of hell is not only ridiculous but also contradictory to the Christian view of a creator. Why would an omnipotent, omnibenevolent, omniscient deity do a wrathful, vindictive act like sentence someone to an eternity of pain/seclusion/misery? Because we don't do what God wants? I cannot imagine this "good" creator being so gratuitously destructive when what he wants is constantly debated and differs from region to region.

Even in the assumption that this god would do such a thing, one assumes that s/he would make a matter such as eternal, personal salvation more obvious than word of mouth or blind faith. I'm thinking a blinking, neon sign in the sky would do the trick. Because I do not believe in the existence of a "hell," I also discount the existence of a "heaven." Logically the two must co-exist to support the belief in this contradictory, Christian god as a savior of the "good" and judge of those that are "evil."

Taking that point a bit further, I examined the underlying reason for the belief in an everlasting life after death. This is a belief that is fundamental to the Christian faith. Instinctually, all life strives to sustain itself. Each individual organism is genetically programmed to sustain itself and/or others it interacts with. As living organisms, ourselves, we also strive to overcome death, but have looked beyond the natural method ? namely, genetic recombination in sexual reproduction to ensure our genes live on after we have died ? and extended the idea, philosophically, to the ego. We want our personalities, not only our bodies, to live forever.

In nature, all things have a purpose or place. Plants feed on the earth and energy from the sun. Animals feed on plants and other animals. The earth feeds on the animals and plants, and the cycle regenerates. Personality, or the human ego, has no place in this natural cycle. It is simply the engine that drives our bodies to take part in this system and interact with each other, but as it has developed over the centuries, it has become self-important and destructive. In the grand scheme of things, the human personality ? or more specifically, individual personality ? is irrelevant and defeating.

If you were raised to believe in your self-importance, this may come as a rather hopeless, drab theory of life. On the contrary, it indicates that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. We are part of creation on a colossal scale, so immense we cannot easily comprehend it. In time, I believe that humans will evolve, socially, to accept and understand this. We will let go of our ego, acknowledging our individuality in respect to one another, but also recognizing our part in a larger system of life that continually renews itself. In a sense, we will all live forever as long as there is life, existence, and matter.

This is not to say that I don't believe in a creator. Rather, I do not believe in the intricacies and undue, complex ceremony religion entails. There are several reasons for this. The first is that many Christians claim the prayers and ceremony are required to worship god. I do not believe that the creator of life needs to be worshipped. Logically speaking, if god created life, it would seem that simply living is all that is expected. How we live is subjective, and I will cover that in a moment.

Secondly, the Bible ? the founding text of most sects of Christianity ? was written by men thousands of years ago to reflect the values of society thousands of years ago. It has been edited thousands of times, and translated even more. Basing modern social values on it may have some merit, but using it to judge life and existence does not hold water with me. I do not believe that we are required to live by morals or rules. That being said, I do believe we should live by them, but the fundamental "ought-to's" are simply common sense, and boil down to treating others as you would like to be treated, and do not require religion as a basis (which cause most to follow out of fear or ignorance or both).

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, warring tribes in the Middle East fought over land and resources for survival. Many such tribes began teaching stories of a creator. This creator went by many names, but was most always powerful, wrathful, and on the side of the given tribe. The others were "outsiders" and guided by forces which sought to wreak havoc and own what was rightfully the others tribe's. From these stories grew great gods, battling each other as the tribes clashed with one another. This was the first theorized appearance of what we now know as "evil."

Today, most still believe in this force. I do not. The idea of "evil," is simply a subjective judgment. It is not a universal truth, nor is it a physical presence or power, as many Christians claim to be manifested in an opposing persona, oftentimes known as "satan" or the "devil" (interestingly enough, the word "satan" comes from a Hebrew word for "accuser" or "adversary").

When it comes down to it, modern concepts of evil can be used to describe three things: death, pain, or the cause of either -- nothing more, nothing less. If it were a universal truth, as some Christian faiths proclaim, evil would affect every lifeform on earth, similarly. In reality, an evil act to a human would probably make no difference to say, a rabbit, and vice versa. Granted, this is a complete conjecture, but as the death or pain of humans does not seem to affect other animals (besides those that dependent for survival), and considering we slaughter millions of animals a day without a second thought, I feel there is a pretty strong basis for this.

The idea of "evil" is simply an event that one does not want to happen. Our egos do not want to end and we do not want to endure pain. In this context, evil is simply a projection of our most base fear, and a concept that reinforces the self-important individual.

The question of evil is one that has been debated for hundreds of years, and not one I want to readily delve into as I'm quickly running out of space, energy, and time. In short conclusion, however, as I do not believe in evil, the existence of heaven/hell, or the need for my personality to live indefinitely, I also do not believe in Christian gods or dogmas.

My thoughts extended much farther than this during my short trip on the freeway. Eventually, the truck carrying my name turned off the highway, and I was left to travel it on my own. It was a sign, I thought. I would be traveling life unguided by religion. But I had a good idea where the road lead, and I had full faculty at my command. I would follow hard, dispassionate truth.

One last thought I had, before turning off the freeway towards home, was the sound of my father's voice telling me, "It's better to be safe than sorry." Over the course of years, I have heard the excuse that one should believe in god by default, "just in case he really exists." Either way, whether he exists or not, you have nothing to lose.

I thought to myself, that's like holding an unwrapped candy bar in your hand. You don't want the extra calories, so you think to yourself, I'll throw it away. But then you realize, it could be a Healthy Choice snack bar with only one calorie. You finally conclude that you might as well toss it, and not eat it, because that way you have nothing to lose.

I say that's a crock of bull. If god really existed and personal salvation meant anything to him, he would have put a wrapper on the damn candy bar to tell you what it was. I say fuck that shit and eat the candy bar.