Chrisonomicon

Saturday, March 29, 2003

Whereas last year today , I was contemplating moving to the current apartment, today I made the official decision to move in with my boyfriend at the end of my lease. It's a big step and the first of its kind I've ever considered, let alone acted on. An immense weight feels as though it's been lifted from my shoulders.

The past few weeks have been fraught with vacillation regarding my future living situation, part of me wanting to take advantage of the release from my apartment commitment and take flight to the coast, maybe open a bed & breakfast along the beach and pursue new adventures. The other half was stubbornly denying my Sagittarian compulsion to wander. I've got it good, I can't deny that -- a secure job, good headway in my education, and a love larger than I thought my heart could hold.

And though the large part of indecision stemmed from the idea that fortune favors the bold and that perhaps I ought to say, boldly, "fuck it," and pursue this vague concept of adventure, leaving my life of stability and security behind, it occurred to me that allowing myself to remain where I am and commit to a path required much more bravery than I ever imagined.

I'm still scared shitless. But I couldn't have asked for more adventure than this.