Chrisonomicon

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Do you ever notice how most gay dance music revolves around true love—ultimate, pinnacle, "this is it!"—the subsequent loss of that love, and recovery? Many gay men grow up with this experience, coming out to their families, losing love, and rebounding to find it in another man. It's like saying to the world, "You can't deny me this!"

On further reflection, though, could this type of message in popular gay music be a reflection of serial monogamy patterns and an inability to maintain long-term relationships? Does it echo the infatuation, the honeymoon, the thrill of new love, and the subsequent subsidal, waning interest, and frequent breakups? Do the messages of our anthems and club hits feed this pattern?

I don't personally know any closed, successful, gay, long-term relationships. Besides the obvious safety reasons, I often wonder if gay men should break free of the monogamous cage that our heterosexual counterparts have instituted and cultivated, this concept that the couple-together-forever is paramount. But, damn, it's hard to think of someone I love fucking another guy, even if it is just sex.

Maybe I need a few more years under my belt to understand this, to rid myself of the shackles that sixteen years of training for life in the straight world has clamped on my mind. Maybe I just haven't found a deep enough connection with someone that would make sex secondary. Maybe I just grew up in the wrong era. Whatever the case, I'm pissed that this is even an issue.

I'd love to bounce along blissfully ignorant of the music and it's message. True love? Cool. I will survive? Awesome. Ideally, I'd like to get to the point where I can love and be loved, freely, without jealousy and preconceptions of what relationships should entail. What are the steps to that and is it even a worth-while goal?