Chrisonomicon

Monday, June 10, 2002

Today is another "Day One." I started the Body- for-LIFE program this afternoon to see if I can overcome the plateau I've reached in my workout routine. Last Monday should have been the official start date but it's been tough regaining my motivation after retreating from the gym a few months ago and I finally pulled myself together this afternoon after tossing about certain factors in my life at the moment, including summer, potential dates, and the need to kick certain, unhealthy party habits.

Mason kicked me in the ass this morning with a much-needed email regarding dating and my tendency to overanalyze, which has always resulted in a death sentence for whatever relationship I may be in at the time. It brings to mind a conversation I've had with Cale several times over the past year about how only stupid people have happy relationships. I have to wonder sometimes if I'd rather be stupid and happy, and sometimes it seems like a great alternative.

An article in Adbuster's last month had an inspiring message regarding antidepressants and how they work wonderfully but result in an entirely illusory feeling of well-being. It makes sense to me now. I'd rather suffer from the frequent bout of depressive, worrisome, angst-ridden cynicism and recognize those sparks of genuine happiness, than be dulled to a warm stupor by drugs or an ignorant outlook.