Chrisonomicon

Sunday, May 26, 2002

Been workin' at the second job all weekend and finally am home after a 6-hour stretch. Things are slowly coming together.

I feel as though I'm on the brink of something, some sort of decision that needs to be made. I can't tell if it concerns Chris or not, but I think that's part of the puzzle. Most of the wondering stems from all this time alone I've spent at the new place.

Part of me doesn't want it to have anything to do with Chris, because I just don't want to face those feelings that keep resurfacing in the back of my mind... that we are not right for one another (when have I not had this feeling in past relationships?) and that I ought to brake it off now before things become more serious.

That part of me that is resisting those thoughts is also the part that is telling me to keep up with the relationship and force it through?break through this cycle of failed relationships, all of them due to the same reasoning?and to perhaps find some sort of success, relationship-wise.

It's always been known in the back of my mind that committment and a successful relationship is a decision that is made in one's mind. I suppose that the ultimate factor here is whether or not I want to make that decision to commit to Chris at this point, based on what I know of him. He certainly has a lot going for him, and I do like him a lot.

I'm doubtful that this will work out, but also hopeful that something turns things around.