Chrisonomicon

Friday, May 12, 2000

I am in a hotel room with a person who stole $20,000 worth of checks. I have no idea who this person is, but he is trying to kill himself by setting himself on fire. No matter what I do to stop it, he continues to burn. Before he dies, I grab a check out of his hand and ask if I can have it. It is a blank check for $2000. He furiously attempts to pursuade me not to take it and that if I did so, I would regret it. I protest that I need the money. Frustrated, he explains that the check needs to be cashed by a particular bank and if I do not fill it out correctly, I would "be sorry."

I run out of the room. A friend is waiting for me at the bank and when I show him the check, he gets an evil glint in his eye and I know not to trust him. He explains how to fill out the check, and like a machine, I do as I'm told. As I hand the check to the bank teller, I am suddenly falling from the sky and into the ocean.

A loud voice rages in my head: "If you want the money, here is what you must do. You are in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Your only means of survival is a bottle of Coca-Cola." A bottle materializes in thin air and kerplunks into the water in front of me. The voice continues: "There is another bottle in Nebraska. If you can reach it within 24 hours, the money is yours."

Frantically, I look around while treading water. I am in the middle of the ocean, with nothing but sky and water to the horizon. The bottle of soda slowly pulls me into the depths. I begin to swim.