Chrisonomicon

Sunday, April 23, 2000

Imagine waking up Easter morning still drunk off your ass. I don't think I've ever done that before. Now that I think about it, it's the first time I've ever woken up drunk, period, which is really odd because it's common knowledge that I'm not much of a drinker. Needless to say, I went to church out of guilt.

My family goes to the third largest Presbyterian church in the world, which is funny in and of itself, but they had the church decked out for a huge ceremony, including crowd control, bouncers, and priests running around with headsets attached to radios. It was like the local dance club had taken over. After the sermon—which seemed to go on for eternity—we rushed for the door. My roommate said she was pushed aside as some lady rushed outside and lit up a cigarette the minute she was out of the door. I don't smoke, but this morning's service had me jonesing for something.