Chrisonomicon

Thursday, February 14, 2002

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and, although I don't follow the Catholic religion, it holds a certain importance or reverence for me and many people I know. It's a time for regeneration, rebirth, cleansing, renewal--however you want to put it--and there's something monumental about those ideas that I like to reflect on.

I went rock climbing last night with Leif and John. It's been almost two months since I've gone, and it felt good to feel the chalk on my hands, the sandy grain of the holds against my palm and fingertips, and the earthy weight of my body tugging at my arms. I've felt weightless for the past week. It was good to know there's still something here, some sort of substance.

In the spirit of regeneration, I finished a new layout after coming home last night and am pretty satisfied with the way it's turned out. That old newspaper layout was starting to grate on my nerves. When I spoke of a loss of focus on Tuesday, I must have triggered something inside my head, for a whole new level of clarity has taken shape. I feel closer to the surface, but in a different way than last week.

Thanks for the emails of concern. Just so you know, I'm in no way depressed or down or upset as my last post may have led you to believe, just a little less there. I told Brent the other night that these swings are natural and expected.

In a way, the cycle of life is a lot like a process in the production of metals known as annealing, in which the metal is heated and then cooled repeatedly. This results in a restructuring of the atoms, producing a more uniform, rigid structure. The metal becomes stronger. The cycles of life are like this, in which we experience enjoyment and pain, clarity and lack of focus, joy and sadness, good times and bad. Exposed to these polar experiences, we become stronger, better people.