Chrisonomicon

Friday, January 25, 2002

I skipped breakfast this morning. For some reason, I thought it would be a neat idea to fast today and live off green tea and orange juice so I started out with a cup of each and sat down at my desk to do some work. It's a nice day out, and the sun is shining and this will be a good fast, I think to myself.

Fasting is a lot easier than it seems. Well, the first few hours of it, anyway. I mean, you're stomach is sated from the last meal and you're feeling good that you're going to give your digestive system a little rest. Nine o'clock flies by, and I'm feeling healthy. My blood sugar is relatively normal.

By eleven, I feel a little bit of pain in my stomach. I nod, resolutely. This is to be expected. I haven't eaten breakfast and my spoiled stomach is pleading me to feed it. Then my left arm starts to feel a little sore and maybe, I think, it's going numb. Oh my God! I'm having a heart attack because I didn't eat this morning! I clutch my chest like they do on the movies. No... no. It's okay. Calm down, you're fasting and the sun is shining and it's going to be a good day.

I purse my lips and think about something else. Maybe the date later on tonight, where I'll be enjoying a nice meal at a steak house. Oh, that menacing growl was my stomach. Okay, new subject. Trip to Dallas next week. That will be a nice break, and fortunately the company is paying for all my meals. Oh no... okay, another subject that is not connected to food. I need a new monitor for my computer. I wonder... are monitor's edible?

It's one o'clock and I'm starting to get snappy. My green tea has gone cold and I think I'm losing sight in my right eye. Clouds have even covered the sun in an ominous omen. I abandon my work and fly out of the door, kicking a small child on my way to my car. I run down to the local grocer and buy ten pounds of food, returning to my desk with a sparkle in my eye.

As I sit, replete in my calorie binge, I think to myself, no day is a good day to fast, regardless how sunny. Suddenly, the clouds are parting and I think to myself, it is going to be a good day.

But, oh my God, I feel like a heifer now. Maybe I should skip dinner.